Hello, and welcome to the Raising Yourself Up podcast. I'm your host, Ben Povlow.
In today's episode, I'm going to be making an announcement about another new book project I have going on. This is a book that came out of "the ether," I guess you would call it. It actually came to me originally during a meditation about four years ago, when I was going through my Dark Night of the Soul.
The Dark Night of the Soul story is actually included in this book, as well as the Twin Flame story. These are both stories that I wrote for my spiritual memoir that didn't fit into my book, You Must Be Present to Win, which I just published a few weeks ago.
Once I published that book, I immediately started outlining the next one and actually wrote a couple of chapters. Then, while doing a morning meditation, the entire book popped into my awareness. That is what I’ve called this book since I dictated the whole thing in one night four years ago. All of this is detailed in the book because what I realized in a recent meditation is that I had a sudden knowing of how to finish it.
I was able to take the few stories I didn't use for the other book and merge them with the original recordings from my Dark Night of the Soul breakdown. I also added some current-day reflections—referred to as "flashbacks"—and I’ve been working on that book for the past couple of weeks now. It’s coming toward the end; the writing portion is done, I’m in the editing phase right now, and the book will be available very soon.
Today is August 21st, 2026, so I assume it will probably be published in early September. The book already has a title and a cover. The title is Waking Up in Handcuffs: Drugs. Alcohol. Trouble. Repeat.
The reason I'm sharing this with you is that it’s setting me on a different path than I originally anticipated. I had no intention of going around speaking about recovery, sobriety, and things of that nature. But this is a book that continues to come to me. One of the things I realized when I learned about Human Design and Gene Keys (which I talk about in You Must Be Present to Win) is that my life's work is based on my core wounds.
That made a lot of sense to me. In my very first book, Self-Help for At-Risk Teens, I wrote about the trauma from my childhood and the things that caused me to become self-reliant. In my mind, my core wound was losing both of my parents at an early age. But what I’ve learned is that you can have more than one core wound, and a core wound leads to other things.
Losing both parents young and heading into a life of trouble led me to using drugs and alcohol to mask that trauma and cope with it. So, substance use is directly connected to that early childhood trauma. After writing this book, I realized that basically my entire life—especially from age 15 all the way into my 40s—had a drug and alcohol theme to it. It caused me a lot of unfortunate experiences, to say the least.
What I realize now is that I have to embrace my truth. My truth is that I've used substances my whole life, it led me to nothing but trouble, and I have the knowledge, skills, and experience to convey that in a way that can help other people get through the same things. I can't honestly say I ever wanted to be a spokesperson for sobriety—that was never my plan. But because I have surrendered to my purpose and I am open to guidance from the Universe, I’m following where it leads.
For the past many months, I’ve been meditating daily, reading daily, and constantly learning about my spirituality, my awakening, and becoming a more God-realized person. When I meditate (I use an eye mask so it's completely dark), if I think about what I did yesterday or what I have to do tomorrow, I immediately dismiss those thoughts—that’s standard practice, to dismiss that chatter and return to the breath. But when you have other thoughts that seem completely random, you don't want to dismiss them so quickly.
The interesting thing about this book is that the original idea came to me in a meditation four years ago, but I had forgotten that! I didn't even realize it until I started working on it again recently—because it came back to me in another meditation after not thinking about it for 10 months. I hadn't looked at this manuscript in 10 months because, back then, I decided there was no way I would ever let anybody read it. It basically makes me look like a fool. I literally tell stories—not all of them, because I have so many—that came to me that one night when I turned on a digital voice recorder and spilled my guts. I admit to all kinds of destructive behavior: ridiculous alcohol use, riding my motorcycle while intoxicated, and all types of stories that make me look like a hot mess.
I tell these stories in detail in the book. I was separated from my wife when I went through my first Dark Night of the Soul four years ago, and here I am four years later, separated again. I'm learning through Saint John of the Cross’s book, Dark Night of the Soul, that there is a second phase called the "passive night." I believe I've been going through that for several months now.
Ultimately, I feel this is what I need to be doing, so I'm doing it. I'm not proud of every story I tell, but if they can help someone else avoid a negative path or help someone get sober, I'm willing to put myself out there.
I want to share this with you because transparency with my audience is essential as we continue this journey together. Historically, this podcast has stalled out at times. When I went through my first Dark Night of the Soul, I stopped writing books, stopped podcasting—I stopped everything and never restarted. I had 60-something episodes, and then it just stopped for a couple of years.
I'm getting back into it now, and I want to recommit to giving you at least one episode per week. I might do more, but while recording is simple—I just sit here, press record, and talk—editing takes time and isn't my main strength. I'm a little rusty on my software. In fact, if you listened to the last episode, you probably noticed I accidentally cut off the very beginning during editing and didn't catch it until after it was published! I pushed it out anyway because if I strive for absolute perfection, I'll never get anything done. I do my best, so please be mindful if you hear background noise or small editing flaws.
Moving forward, I plan to resume my original structure for upcoming episodes based on You Must Be Present to Win. I plan to do one episode per chapter to cover the highlights.
This episode is a standalone update snuck between others to let you know what's coming next, and to announce that my new memoir, Waking Up in Handcuffs, will be available soon. It details the stories I wasn't sure I wanted to share, but I've found a unique way to combine the raw content with current reflections to make it a powerful memoir and self-help guide. If you’ve struggled with drugs, alcohol, or legal troubles, this book was written for you.
Check out my books on Amazon! You Must Be Present to Win is currently available exclusively on Amazon while I work out any remaining kinks before a broader release. Waking Up in Handcuffs is coming very soon, so keep an eye out. Be sure to subscribe to my Amazon Author Page to get alerts when new books drop—I already have the next one outlined!
I am currently in isolation with nothing else to do but help you, so content will be coming fast and furious over the next several months. Please subscribe and follow the podcast as well.
Thank you for your time, and I hope you have a great, sober day.
